Howdy

I have little to report but just felt like I should blog, since I've not been so great at keeping up with things on here as of late.

Ramy is in the middle of a trial with the most difficult client he's ever had (and boy, that's saying a LOT) against a particularly evil prosecutor.  I went to LLU last weekend to run some analyses on my dissertation data and concluded that I have forgotten a lot of statistics in the couple of years it has been since I was running stats programs on a daily basis! Fortunately, my dissertation doesn't really require very complex stats, and I am up to speed.  Not done with my analyses, but at least up to speed.  My girlfriends bought their plane tickets to come to California for my graduation.  Hurray!!!!

Last week, Ramy broke the news to our Nanny Rebecca that I'm job-hunting in Alabama and after I graduate in June, she may no longer have a job.  We felt strongly that it was the right thing to do to give her as much advance notice as possible, because her husband is unemployed.  Although we really want her to stay with us until the very last day and know that she could decide to leave us any day, we still felt like we needed to give her the limited amount of information that we have.  On that front, the paperwork to create my job at Fox is going in right now!  There was some kind of visit from their headquarters from San Antonio last week, and apparently some kind of green light to proceed must have happened.  At the least, it seems like nothing to discourage them from proceeding came up.  I've been answering emails from the neuropsychologist about when my Ph.D. will post, when I anticipate being licensed, etc.  It will be awhile before I know anything more definite, which puts me in a state of limbo, and I don't like being in that state, but I feel surprisingly peaceful about it.

Things at work seem to be on an even keel.  Actually, I think it may just be that we've all adjusted to chaos being the status quo, because looking at our numbers is not pleasant.  I had to be a part of a team decision making to revoke someone's outpatient status today.  It happened to be a client of a good friend of mine, and this client is in a couple of my groups, so I have seen him decompensate first-hand.  Last week, we 5150d him and hoped we could get him stabilized, but after his release, the downward spiral has continued.  It was a sobering recognition that we were taking away the freedom of someone who hasn't committed any crime and whose decompensation is not due to anything he chose to do or not do.  Unfortunately, he is severely mentally ill and the environment has contributed to him decompensating to the point that we can't be sure the public is safe with him in the community. I came to work at this place on January 4, and since then, we've had a client murdered, a client suicide, a client go AWOL, 2 clients who've had to go to residential substance abuse facilities, 5 have had to be involuntarily hospitalized, and 4 have gone back to state hospital (3 whose outpatient status is revoked and one who will hopefully just be there a few months and can get stabilized and come back out).   Next week, our department has to report to the county board of supervisors about the state of our program and to demonstrate how they've made sweeping changes to our program to make it safer.  From the outside, we haven't had any more murders, so obviously things are going well!

Rebecca is, of course, still as wonderful as ever.  Moreso, even.  She's still enjoying her dance class, and she is signed up for their big recital in June (the weekend after I graduate). Last night, she wanted to paint, so she created a wonderful masterpiece for me to take to work and hang in my office.  She was quite proud of it and beamed tonight when I told her that I had many people notice and comment on my lovely artwork.  Rebecca continues to ask for "snoggle" time with Mommy and Daddy.  We've had a couple of recent battles of the wills when she was determined to not put away the toys she had drug out and tried to find a myriad of reasons why she was unable to do so.  Eventually though, she realizes that it isn't working and does what she was supposed to do, usually pretty cheerfully.  She's a delight!  She is looking forward to a long visit from Grammy starting later this week. 

Birthday party

On Saturday, we went to a birthday party for Rebecca's cousin, Hannah.  Hannah's mother is a cousin of Ramy's...kinda.  Rebecca and Hannah actually share a birthday!  They were due on the same day, and they were born on the same day.  Hannah is one of the few children Rebecca's age who is not garganuanly larger than Rebecca is!  She's still a bit taller and bigger, but not much.  They had a great time playing together!

The theme of the party was a cowgirl theme, and they had a pony ride and everything.  Rebecca thought she would hedge her bets on the pony ride by keeping one hand on the saddle and one hand on the woman leading the pony.  Of course, the pony decided to shake all over about halfway through Rebecca's ride, which scared her a little (me too, actually!), but she was fine.

They brought hairbrushes so the kids could brush the pony's hair.

Of course, Rebecca took advantage of the hats, badges, and bandanas to create a cowgirl look for herself.  And what cowgirl can't bust a move?

Third Birthday

Long weekends are so lovely

I was so looking forward to a long weekend with my family.  We had no big plans, nowhere we had to be, no commitments.  It was fabulous. 

I actually worked later than usual on Friday, since I was off on Tuesday and had a bunch of things to catch up on.  I had a final session with a client back at the Upland clinic and terminated therapy with her.  She was definitely one that I can call a success.  I actually did her intake myself and saw her through a whole course of therapy (plus she was on meds).  In seven months, she went from suicidal to enrolled in college.  She worked really hard with me and was really willing to put in a lot of work.  It's so nice to have some success stories! 

Unfortunately, on Thursday at the Perinatal clinic, I learned some troubling news about a former client of mine.  She is one that I did a lot of work with, and even though she made tremendous progress, there was such a limit to what I could do with her and so many needs that were still unmet.  She did, however, safely deliver a healthy baby just before Christmas, and that made her a success.  Unfortunately, she has gone missing and no one knows where she is.  Although I generally try to not take my work home and not worry about clients, she's one that I do worry about....probably because her entire situation seems so incredibly unfair.  She is one of those clients for whom I really wish I could have hit the rewind button back to their childhood and put her in a good environment and then just let her grow up and I know she'd have been fine.  If nothing else, this year has taught me to realize that my job is to do the very best that I can to help my clients change their lives and to advocate for them when I can but to then realize that I don't have a magic wand and can't fix all that is unjust in the world. 

Things at CONREP last week finally started seeming like they were really back on track.  It felt natural to be in all the groups and just doing our thing, instead of in constant crisis intervention mode.  Is it bizarre to say that I really like working with these people?  Thinking about it objectively, I know that the people I work with have done some of the worst things imaginable and are just about as crazy as they come.  In fact, I'm willing to be that even the people I love dearly who read my drivel would likely be willing to say that they should all just vanish and the world would be better off.  And I like them!!!!  I'll leave it to you all to figure out what that means about me!

This weekend, Ramy, Rebecca, and I just had a lovely time together.  The weather was gorgeous - sunny and in the 70s (up to 80 degrees), much unlike the weather in Tennessee.  The cleaning lady came on Friday and worked her magic.  It was glorious to come home to a clean house!  Friday night, we watched the opening ceremonies of the Olympics while Ramy put together Rebecca's new play kitchen.  Rebecca and I sacked out long before he did.  We slept late on Saturday mornng, and then I made breakfast.  We went to Costco and generally did little until we went to church on Saturday evening.  After Rebecca went to sleep, we did our taxes (is that romantic or what?). We all slept in late again on Sunday morning, and then Ramy gave me flowers and the sweetest card ever.  He took us out to a fabulous Valentines brunch at the Pomona Valley Mining Company, which overlooks the Chino Valley from the side of a tall hill.  It was un-be-liev-able.  They had crab legs and salmon, omelets and waffles, every kind of salad imaginable, a chocolate fountain, and three long tables of all kinds of other dishes.  I also was the recipient of a Sunday afternoon nap, which was the best gift I could have gotten from my husband!  Ramy and I had had the opportunity to go on an actual date night for Valentines while my mom was here, so it was nice to do a Valentines brunch for all of us together on the actual Valentines Day.  Today, we hung out here at the house and did a lot of stuff that needed to get done.  I did loads and loads of laundry, while Ramy washed and vacuumed my car and had my tires rotated.  Tonight, after dance class and dinner, I ironed while I watched the Bachelor, which is my Monday night guilty pleasure.

And now, it's time to start the week. 

What love is

I've never really liked Valentine's Day.  To be truthful, my dislike of the day probably began sometime in my youth when I listened to a lot of Mariah Carey and was hoping for Cupid to strike a particular boy with his arrow so that my adoration would no longer be unrequited. 

Or something like that.

In the intervening years, I've been blessed to have a valentine or two.  And I'm pleased to be taken out for a Valentine's date and to be the recipient of Sees chocolate and flowers.  But I still don't like the holiday.  It's a lot of pressure, right?  How often do those fantastical Jared The Galleria of Jewelry commercials and dream dates from The Bachelor come along in real life?  I find them to be rather annoying and mildly nauseating. 

Maybe it's because the holiday has strayed so far from what love really is.  While I still haven't gotten a spur-of-the-moment-date-night-surprise-that-ended-with-dinner-atop-the-Eiffel-Tower, I've been fortunate enough to have witnessed what love really is.

Love is...

...a man who goes out to buy his wife the fettucine alfredo from the actual Italian restaurant she wanted it from, after he'd accidentally bought her noodle glop in white sauce from the poser Italian fast-food place, while his wife watches the opening ceremony of the Olympics.

...a little girl who wants to "snoggle wif mommy and daddy" and rub their earlobes all night after she's made them seven batches of wooden cookies and four pretend bowls of oyster soup.

...inside jokes and back scratches.

...a man giving his mother flowers on Valentine's Day.

...talking for long periods on the telephone to a girlfriend/fianceé/wife a couple of thousand miles away, when you actually loathe telephone-talking.

...a wife who gives her husband a kidney so that they can enjoy a few more years of love together.

...staying up until 1 a.m. to put together a little girl's new play kitchen which came in a 70 lb. box and has 1,472 pieces.

...holding hands in church with a napping toddler sprawled on laps.

...a daddy who takes a week of his vacation to accompany his daughter to Girl Scout Day Camp.

...hand-made Valentines cards covered in multiple crayon colors and stacked with no less than 23 foam stickers, which include letters of the alphabet, reindeer, hearts, flowers, and scrap pieces.

...laying across the edge of a hospital bed just to be as near as possible to a beloved family member who is gravely ill.

...making fish smothered in garlic and soy sauce for someone you love when you don't even like fish yourself.

...butterfly kisses and Eskimo kisses.

...love notes in lunchboxes.

...fistfuls of dandelions and clover presented triumphantly to a mommy.

...allowing cold feet on warm legs in bed.


Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails....
1 Corinthians 13:4-8

A birthday interview with a reluctant interviewee

A couple of family pics with the birthday girl

Three years old

Rebecca Lee Cisneros is three years old today! 

It seems as though just yesterday that she was born and Ramy pronounced her to be "perfect, just perfect!," while it is also hard to remember before she was part of our lives.  These three years have flown by, and while it is a little bit sad that I no longer have a baby, three-year old Rebecca is more fun than ever!  As I have done each February 8 for the past three years, I wrote Rebecca a letter the night before her birthday, reflecting back on all the changes she has undergone this year and recapping some of the milestones she's accomplished and on all the things she enjoys doing now.  What a year!  From becoming potty trained to speaking in not only long narratives but in also using jokes to her independence in going to dance class, it has been an important year.  It would be impossible to list all the things that are lovable about our Rebecca, but I think her sweetness is at the top of the list.  She tells us numerous times a day, "I nov you, my Daddy" or "I nov you, Mama."  She's certainly a cuddly, touchy-feely little girl, asking us, "Can you snuggle me?" as she is sleepy, and she wants to run our earlobes as she falls asleep.  She loves to pat our faces lovingly and looks at us with an expression of utter adoration.  Who could possibly resist that?  I hope that she will always be such a sweet girl. I am looking forward to this next year to see all the growing and changing that Rebecca will do and to share all her new experiences.  Every day with Rebecca is a new adventure that is fun and exciting, and I'm so grateful to be her earthly guide, entrusted to my keeping.

Rather than having a big birthday party this year, we opted to do a couple of days of celebrations.  This is partially because of Rebecca's continued insistence that she does not want anyone to sing the "Happy Birthday song" to her, going so far as to hide her head in the booth if a group sings to someone else who might be celebrating a birthday in Rebecca's vicinity!  We also thought that this would be a good opportunity to do some of the fun things that living in Southern California affords, since we might not be living here for her next birthday!  Grammy arrived on Thursday evening to help us celebrate Rebecca's birthday.  The four of us spent Sunday in Disneyland, beginning the day with breakfast with Minnie Mouse and her friends and continuing on to meet several of the Disney princesses.  We'll be continuing her birthday celebration today by going to American Girl Place in Santa Monica, where we'll be having lunch in the American Girl tea room.  Rebecca (doll) will be accompanying us! 

Birthday:

1 Year Old:

2 Years Old:

3 Years Old:

I took this picture as we were going into church Saturday evening.  We've had several days of rain, and it was just starting to think about clearing.  We saw the rainbow as we pulled into the parking lot, and it got brighter and more vivid as we walked in.  So glad I had my camera!

A new week

I am very hopeful that this week will be a better one than last week.  I really don't like this feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach associated with going to work that I had last week and that I have again this morning!  I'm hoping we will be able to get back to doing the work that got us all the jobs we have in the first place.  And I hope that there hasn't been anything cataclysmic since I left there last week!

Yesterday's mass readings were really inspiring.  The first reading spoke to me deeply:

But do you gird your loins;

stand up and tell them
all that I command you.
Be not crushed on their account,
as though I would leave you crushed before them;
for it is I this day
who have made you a fortified city,
a pillar of iron, a wall of brass,
against the whole land:
against Judah’s kings and princes,
against its priests and people.
They will fight against you but not prevail over you,
for I am with you to deliver you, says the LORD.

I'm going to take that as a promise that all will go well today and this week.

We had a really nice weekend.  On Friday, I came straight home after my intern day instead of running errands.  Rebecca and I spent the afternoon baking chocolate chip cookies.  Rebecca is so much help cooking and baking, and she was very excited about the cookies.  Lots of why and what kind questions though.  "Why you put that in?"  "What kind of choc-nate chips?"  "What kind of Crisco?" "Why you keep stirring and stirring?" 

Friday evening, Ramy and I had agreed to work at the Knights of Columbus' Clergy Night.  Our volunteering to help in any capacity needed landed us a job doing dishes!  We dried dishes (others on our team were scraping, washing, rinsing, and moving them from place to place) from 7:00 until well after 10:00 p.m.

Saturday, we slept in and then had a leisurely morning at home.  On Sunday, we went to 7:30 a.m. mass, and then we got a quick breakfast at Corner Bakery.  We had lunch at my favorite, Louise's Trattoria and investigated whether their Pasadena restaurant would be a good location for my celebratory graduation dinner/lunch.  EEEEEEEE!!!!!  Afterwards, we went to Santa Anita mall so I could make some exchanges.  Then we just did random household stuff in the evening and got ready for the week.  It was a relaxing weekend, but it certainly passed too quickly.