Fathers

I am continually reminded of the incredible importance of fathers. I always had a special bond with my daddy, and now I see a similar bond between Rebecca and Ramy. It's a totally different relationship than between a mother and daughter (not that that bond isn't an amazing thing too, but hey this is Father's Day after all) and I suspect it is different than between a father and a son.

It's been so interesting to see how, from the very beginning, Rebecca expected different things from Ramy and me. Even this time last year, she saw him as the fun one and me as the utilitarian one. Now, the minute she wakes up, she looks around and says expectantly "Dada?" She points out every picture that has Ramy in it and exclaims proudly "Dada!" As soon as she hears the garage door open in the afternoon, she perks up and runs to see him, eager for the fun to begin. He's always been able to bring about peals of laughter from her, even when she wouldn't crack a smile for me! She has a special sweet smile and voice she uses just for him, and the mischevious look in her eyes is proof that she knows he is going to do something that will be positively delightful to her (and he never fails her on that!). Whatever he is eating even must be the most delicious thing ever, she believes, and he simply must share it with her.

My daddy and I always had such a similar bond as I see now between Ramy and Rebecca. One of my first jokes/pranks I pulled was at my mother's expense and was totally my father's idea. She went to the grocery store one day, and we followed her there and when she went in, we moved her car to the other side of the parking lot. Then we sat on the hill next to the store and watched and cackled with laughter as she came out and was confused as to where the car was parked. (I strongly feel that the saying "paybacks are hell" will be visited upon me in the very near future). My dad and I made up silly songs about cumquats and bicycles. Before he'd go out of town, I nearly ran out of air because I would pack a Ziplock bag of kisses for him to take with him. I kicked the tires of the church bus to be sure it would be safe for him to go with the Boy Scouts to camp and then rode with him in the bus to get gas, begging him the whole way to take me with him (heaven knows, it could only be true adoration that would make any girl beg to go to filthy camp in the middle of July).

And yeah, I know that it is the nature of my profession, but the whole literature on attachment has always seemed so obvious to me. Even if I hadn't seen it in my personal life, I certainly have seen it in my clients. Although there are certainly exceptions on both end of the spectrum, it is evident that the relationship girls have with their fathers (or with some sort of father figure) largely determine the type of relationships they always expect to have (and then generally do have) with men.

My Ramy and my dad really are so much alike, in so many ways, and to me, that is certainly a flattering statement to both of them (and I think they would both take it that way). My dad always made me feel stronger, smarter, and more capable. He was a calming presence and had endless patience. Ramy is so similar to my dad in those exact ways. I was searching for a Bible verse about fathers and was initially disappointed that I couldn't find a "good" one (how arrogant is that, to think that there isn't a good enough verse in the Bible!). Then I came across this verse from Proverbs (17:27) and knew immediately that it was exactly the verse that described the two most important and precious men in my life:

A man of knowledge uses words with restraint,
and a man of understanding is even-tempered.

I've been so blessed by these two wonderful fathers in my life - my own sweet wonderful father, first of all, and now by this amazing man who is such an incredible father to our little girl.