Passing

Ramy's father passed away tonight around 9:00 p.m.  Certainly, he has been very ill for such a long time.  No one would want him to have continued to suffer.  In many ways, Ramy has grieved the loss of his father for almost five years.   I am reminded of when my grandmother passed away, five years after her stroke.  My father referred to it as "the saddest blessing."  Indeed, although we are all sad that he is no longer with us, we know that he is now freed from his earthly limitations.

I didn't have too much opportunity to get to know my father-in-law before his first stroke, which happened just a few months after Ramy and I got married.  While I wish I'd had more time to get to know him, I already knew and continue to learn much about him, from the best source possible - my husband. 

I know that Fred was unspeakably proud of his only son.  I know that Ramy was the fulfillment of all that he had hoped for his family, when he made plans to get out of his native country because it couldn't offer the life he wanted for his children.  I've often wondered and imagined how difficult that must have been.  Fred emigrated to the United States, and he and Lydia didn't know how long it would be before the family would be reunited.  Fred came to Los Angeles by himself and worked to get the rest of them there as soon as possible (which was 2 years later).  There's a wonderful picture of them when Ramy, his mom and sisters arrived here in the U.S and reunited with his dad.  In that picture, Fred looks strikingly similar to how Ramy looks now.  He is absolutely beaming with joy.  I know how hard Ramy has worked his whole life to make his father proud of him, and he certain has been - and will continue to be - proud of him.

I've thought before how unfair it is that Rebecca was cheated out of both her grandfathers.  We were cheated out of getting to see our fathers be her grandfathers.  But then I realize that they continue to live on through us, in the stories we tell and in the things we share with her.  Tonight, in fact, before we learned this news, Rebecca and I baked a pumpkin pie and I was telling her how that was her Grandpa Lee's favorite dessert this time of year.  I see him in many of her faces and even in the way she doesn't like to have her feet covered.  Similarly, Rebecca will know much about her Grandpa Fred through Ramy.  His endless patience with her, the way he is so involved and attentive to her - he learned by example.  I know exactly what kind of man my father-in-law was, because I see the kind of father that my husband is.  I can think of no better legacy.