Birthday fun

On Sunday, we had a get-together with Madeline, Paul, Karen, Jonathan, Brent, Vincent, and the whole passel of of all our children.  Maddy made the famous prime rib sandwiches that have inhabited my dreams since our Christmas gathering.  I brought the dessert (fresh orange cake - will post recipe soon), and somehow it turned into a birthday party. Luckily, I had lots of help to blow out candles!

The kids had an absolute blast playing together!  Rebecca has no clue that she is the youngest and smallest.  On the way home, we thought she would fall asleep (it was 10 p.m. when we left).  On the contrary, she gabbed the whole way home about what she did with her friends.  She would start telling us about it and then start laughing at her memory of it.

Thirty two

Today is my thirty-second birthday.  Unlike many people, I am fully in favor of celebrating my birthday.  I love the Happy Birthday song, candles, cakes, and acknowledgments in all forms.  I like to put some kind of enlightened spin on it - after almost dying before turning 25, I vowed to never complain about getting older.  The truth is that I liked celebrating my birthday and any kind of show of adoration long before then.  But a brush with death does put into perspective that life is something that we should all celebrate, for it is never guaranteed to any of us.

It's been a lovely birthday.  The celebration for us was really this weekend.  On Saturday, Ramy took me to the Jewelry District in Los Angeles to pick out my present.  Wikipedia tells me that the Los Angeles Jewelry District it is the largest jewelry district in the United States (compared to the Diamond District in New York and similar) and boasts more than 5,000 jewelry businesses.  I'm sure Ramy believes that we might have visited most of those businesses, as I didn't really have a clear idea of what I wanted when we got there.  Bless him, he never once complained as we trapised all over.  Eventually, I knew that I wanted a pink tourmaline pendant set in white gold, but I had a really hard time finding exactly what I wanted.  Ultimately, I had a pendant created for me.  I love it.  Hopefully I'll have a pick with me wearing it sometime soon.  On Saturday night, Ramy and I had the opportunity to go out on a date.  We went to see Letters to Juliet at the theater and snuck in our own snacks and drinks.  I love a good love story, no matter how predictable.  It was also nice to see that it was largely filmed in locations we recognized from our honeymoon.  On Sunday, we had a great get-together with our good friends, with good food and a lot of laughter.  I'll be posting pics from it soon, I hope.

Dramatics

Last night, when Rebecca didn't want to eat dinner but did want to eat chips, Ramy (being a good parent), wouldn't let her.  Rebecca's face clouded over and, on demand, her lip started quivering.  She said to Ramy pitifully, "You break my heart all the time!" 

Similarly, when I wouldn't let her put fourteen stuffed animals in bed with us, she got quiet.  Soon, her shoulders began to shake gently.  Finally, she whimpered in a dramatic fashion, "I'm very sad!"  She worked up real tears and, every once in a while would exclaim, "I'm very sad!" 

Socialization

One of the best things about Rebecca's dance class experience has been her increased opportunities for socialization.  Let's face it, that's why all the 2.5-3.5 year olds are in the dance class - Julliard isn't there recruiting.  Even though I am forthrightly biased, let me assure you that Rebecca really is the best dancer in her class.  Whereas most of the kids have trouble not stumbling just walking across the floor in their ballet shoes, Rebecca is doing pretty awesome at walking across the board on pointe.  I'm most proud of the fact that she is an excellent student, because listening, attending, waiting patiently, and following instructions are skills that are going to be critical for her in most endeavors in life, not just in dance class. 

I'm wondering, however, if I give Rebecca a little too much encouragement!  I praise her mightily when she comes out to have her ballet shoes exchanged for her tap shoes, talking about how I've noticed her being a good listener and for being a nice friend to little girls in her class who are shy and for being patient when the teacher was working with someone else and for doing her steps exactly the way her teacher showed her. 

Rebecca takes the being-a-nice-friend piece quite seriously.  She is quick to try to befriend the other children, and there are two little girls with whom she can regularly be seen socializing when the teacher is working individually with another student.  Recently, a new little girl came in and was very shy and didn't want her mommy to leave.  When the little girl cried, Rebecca's lip started quivering.  Later, she was quite forceful in trying to be friends with another little girl, whether that child wanted to be friends or not.  Rebecca simply wasn't going to have it that the girl wouldn't hold hands with her! 

Last week, 2 new little girls came in to the class.  They are sisters and don't speak a word of English apparently.  I gather that their parents have spoken only Chinese to them within the home thus far (knowing that they will of course pick up English from their environment and will readily be bilingual) and are doing dance class to start the socializaiton process.  They are so shy and cling to each other.  Last week, Rebecca knew they were shy.  This week, she was determined to make friends.  When they came in, she waved to them and said hi and made room for them to sit next to her on the mat.  She was visibly disappointed when they chose to sit on their own on the opposite end of the mat.  Not to be dissuaded, our social butterfly attempted to talk to them.  I have no idea what she was saying (I watch through the window), but I noticed her leaning forward with her hands on her knees and talking to them with careful anunciation.  Soon thereafter, she came out to have me change her shoes and announced, "dose girls don't TALK!"  I tried explaining to her that they just didn't know the words to say to her but that she could still try to be a friend to them, but it was clear that she believed that I had no grasp of what an impossible task it was to attempt.

In the car on the way home, we were talking about dance class and her friends.  She said, "Well, they [meaning all the other girls] aren't good.  Just me." 

Heaven help.

Accessories

Our Rebecca is certainly a girly-girl.  She reminds me often that she only wants to wear dresses.  As I was in the closet picking out an outfit for her to wear on a recent Saturday morning and after she had vetoed the capri outfit I had selected, she said to me emphatically, "I just nike to wear dresses.  Pretty dresses.  Just buy me dresses. Don't buy me any more pants and shirts."  After a pregnant pause, she said to me slowly and patiently, as one would to a cognitively impaired child, "Just....dresses...okay?"  This has also extended to her nightwear.  She doesn't want to wear pajamas anymore, only nightgowns.  Several nights, she wanted to even put on a bracelet to match her nightgown!  Speaking of accessories, as you can see from the above picture, Rebecca is definitely of the mindset that if one accessory is good, 30 is even better.  When we went to the Flower Fields back in April, we got Rebecca a little beaded ring from one of the craftspeople.  She was enthralled with that ring.  It never left her finger for weeks - she slept with it on, bathed with it on, and posed with it so that the world could see her jewel.  It broke this weekend.  It was a catastrophe, and at least daily since then, she has reminded me how much she misses her ring.  We have kept it in hopes that Grammy can learn how to make more just like it! 

Speaking of the Flower Fields, I don't think I ever posted all the pictures.  I promise to remedy that soon.

Lots of exciting things are coming up!  First up is my birthday next week!  Unlike everyone else in my family, I relish the recognition and celebration of my birthday!  Bring on the candles on the cake, the singing, and any and all adoration.  Unfortunately, this year is not a national holiday in honor of my birthday.  It will come around again in a few years though.  Nonetheless, we're looking forward to a long holiday weekend the week after.  Next, my mom arrives to get ready for the graduation festivities, and then my friends will be here on June 9th to celebrate graduation with me through the 14th.  I can't wait for them to come visit - we've got lots of fun stuff planned for their visit.  The weekend after graduation is Rebecca's first big dance recital.  Wouldn't you know that in the midst of the graduation weekend when we have a hundred things going on, we have to have dance pictures done?!?   Then we'll be leaving to take our roadtrip up the California coast for a long weekend.  The end of June will bring the close of my internship.  It's going to be an exciting few weeks!

As you might have surmised, Grammy was here visiting this past weekend.

Who wouldn't love this kind of airport greeting?

Festival of Books

On Sunday, April 25, we ventured to Westwood to attend the LA Times/UCLA Festival of Books.  It was a great time!  Of course, we spent most of our time there at the Children's Stage.

The first item of business was to see the Fresh Beat Band perform.  Rebecca was hilarious!  She was a bit incredulous about them.  Then she took the newspaper insert that had info on all the events at the festival and turned to the page where they were featured.  She'd look at the picture of the band in the newspaper and then look at them on stage.  Finally, she took the page and held it up to face the band as they performed.  It was so funny!

The next performance we saw was of the author of the Llama Llama books reading from her three of her books.  These are a favorite of ours.  There was a special treat....Little Llama was there!  Rebecca really enjoyed hearing the books read and seeing one of her favorite book characters in "person."

Rebecca also got to meet Joe Bruin and Josie Bruin.  I think that was the highlight of the day for Ramy.

It was a really fun day, especially since the weather was gorgeous.  Of course, we came home with a lot of new books, including some travel books in anticipation of our trip to Paris later this summer. 

Mother's Day

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles thicken around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts. - Washington Irving



I am blessed on this Mother's Day to have the privilege of celebrating both having a wonderful mother and being a mother to a precious daughter.   I thank God for my relationships with both.

The last few weeks at work, I've needed to spend quite a bit more time with one of my clients in particular.  She's one of the few females at CONREP, and even though she is older than I am, in many ways she seems younger than Rebecca.  Her voice and mannerisms are like a very young child, and her thought processes aren't much more mature.  This client has become very attached to me, and I have found myself worrying about what will happen to her after I am gone.  I'd like to pretend that the reason she feels connected to me is because I am such a stellar therapist and that my psychodiagnostic and therapeutic skills were responsible for the change in her.  The actual work I do with her is very different though, and it is the kind of work that one usually gets from a mother and certainly does not require a Ph.D.  I spend a lot of time teaching her about what is socially appropriate, how not to give the wrong impression to men who might be wanting more from her than just dinner, the way to budget her money so that she makes it through the month without needing to barter, talk with her about the choices she is making in her life and how they are getting her to where she wants to be, and provide her with empathy when she recently had her heart broken.  I recently allowed her to go on a weekend pass to visit with her actual family; when I got to work the next day, I had a phone message from her telling me that she had made it back to her board and care safely and thanking me for letting her go. 

As sweet as this all sounds, this naive client also has a severe and persistent mental illness and pretty long rap sheet that includes a violent crime.  To most people, she's a scary, crazy, dangerous woman.  I've worked with her extensively processing that crime (okay, that's not exactly something most mothers do), and although it is hard for me to stomach, I also know how her history contributed to her commission of that crime.  She never had a real mother or father, and as a result, she never really developed the ability to make connections with people.  Fundamentally, she never learned how to love, because she was never taught love. This has been evident throughout her life in her relationships with men and the offspring she procreated.  I have thought of her so much this past week, thinkign about how different her life would likely have been if she had been born into a family that loved her, cared for her, protected her, and taught her the things she needed to get by in life. 

I think of her experience and contrast it with my own and with Rebecca's and am struck by the importance of my job as her mother.  Last night, Rebecca fell down the stairs.  Everyone in the house rushed to gather her into our arms, fawned over her boo-boo, wiped her tears, snuggled her close, and crooned words of love to her.  Soon therafter, the boo-boo was forgotten with many kisses and snuggles while watching tv.  I grew up in much the same way.  No hurt was trivialized.  Every accomplishment was lauded.  I have been surrounded by love my whole life, and my goal is that Rebecca's will be the same.  Rebecca asks Ramy and me to snuggle her in bed every night, while he shares coffee ice cream with her.  She prances around to show Ramy whatever outfit she is sporting that day and is consistently assured that she is beautiful.  She pats my face and kisses me to tell me she "nov"s me before I leave for work and believes that my kiss and a Hello Kitty bandaid can cure all that is wrong in her world.  She knows she's secure and loved. Rebecca believes the world to be a good, safe, happy place, because she has never experienced anything else. 

One day, I hope that she will have a little girl (or boy) and will surround her (or him) with the same love and adoration that she has received.  Indeed, I already see a glimpse of it in the way she cuddles her Zhu Zhu pets and sings to her baby dolls and strokes my face and kisses me if I have a headache.  On this Mother's Day, I am celebrating love as the best tradition handed from one generation to the next.

A lot of good things

It's been an exciting time around here.  We've been having a lot of good things happen.

Of course, my successful defense of my dissertation on Monday was a definite highlight.  It was such a relief to have that over and done with.  After that was done, I finally felt like I could mail my invitations to graduation.  I have three friends who are flying here for my graduation, and I'm excited for that.  There must have been a huge adrenaline crash after Monday, because on Tuesday, my allergies kicked in with the worst vengence.  I've been dosing myself with Xyzal, Afrin, and Chlor-Trimeton to deal with it and sleeping a lot to compensate.

Last weekend, we said goodbye to Ramy's 14-year old Acura Integra.  It's seen Ramy from law school graduation through his bachelor days and into...well, adulthood and until now, but the time had come to put it out to pasture.  It was a good car, and even when we were going to sell it to Carmax, we had people come out of the woodwork to buy it from us.  As it turns out, it gets a new life with a teenager!  One of our neighbors bought it for his granddaughter.

The reason we said goodbye to the Integra was because there's a new ride in our garage!  Ramy got a new, smoking hot car last weekend.  Although I think my influence on Ramy contributed to the selection of the color of the car, it hasn't extended far enough that he is willing to give cars names the way I like to do.  Rebecca even has a brand new big girl seat to go in his new car.  We are now parking as far away from everyone else as we possibly can, in fear of anyone dinging this beautiful new car!  

I PASSED!

Thank God, it's done and I passed!

What made it even sweeter was the fact that my sweet husband came just so he could be there with me while I waited for and found out the good news.  It was a perfect defense, from my perspective.  Little discussion about the dissertation part of it and much more discussion about publishing it.  I have only the most minor of edits to make before binding.  They only sent me out of the room for a few minutes before they had me come back in and my chair said, "Congratulations, Dr. Cisneros!"

We're off to celebrate!

Tomorrow is the big day!

I'm defending my dissertation tomorrow (Monday, May 3)!

My suit is ready.
My Powerpoint is ready. 
I feel good about my work, the way I analyzed it, and how I interpreted it.

I got feedback from ONE of my FIVE committee members (the only one not in our department), and it was positive.  So I'm going to count on her being a good judge and that the rest of them will feel the same way....or that the others didn't really read it at all.  Luckily, it's been a beautiful weekend, so hopefully they all had better things to do than to read a hundred pages of my drivel.

Please pray it goes well for me!  I'll update with (hopefully good) news tomorrow afternoon.