Mother's Day

This is my third Mother's Day as a mother.

I remember the last Mother's Day before I had Rebecca all too well. We were into the second year of attempts to have a baby, starting our fourth and final round of intrauterine insemination, and already knew that it didn't look too promising. If that round didn't work, as my reproductive endocrinologist didn't, then we would be moving on to in vitro. Although I knew that eventually I'd have a child one way or the other, I wasn't sure when or how long it would take. The idea that we were really quickly going to be at the last hope for having our own biological child was difficult to swallow, and patience has never been a virtue of which I've been in possession. I remember trying really hard during the mass, which was about motherhood and how blessed mothers were, to keep the dam of tears from bursting. My prayers for a baby that day were probably something like, "Please give me a baby at the right time, and please make that time be right now." It seemed as though there were babies and pregnant women everywhere, and I'd had a few more questions about when we were going to have a baby and why I wasn't pregnant yet than I could handle. In short, that Mother's Day 2006 was a difficult one.

Little did I know, but just a few short weeks after that eternally long and miserable mass, we would learn that Miss Rebecca was indeed on her way to brighten our days and fill our lives with more joy than we could have imagined at the time. I couldn't know then just how motherhood would affect me. There's a quote by Elizabeth Stone that I think is so true, "The decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." Indeed, I had not realized that becoming a mother would indeed change who I was in a way nothing else has. My education has changed my perspective on the world. Falling in love and getting married changed my priorities. But becoming a mother changed my very being, as every thought, every decision, every breath has Rebecca as at least a very strong factor. Nothing could be more precious or more sacred than the responsibility or the privilege of being a mother. I'm grateful for the blessing of being Rebecca's mother, and I'm humbled by the fact that she was entrusted to me for her earthly care and teaching.

Motherhood is indeed a daunting task. I remember periodically thinking in astonishment, in the weeks before Rebecca was born, that they were really going to just let me take this tiny little person with me and just trust that I knew what I was doing when I had never taken any proficiency exam about child rearing, written a thesis on the subject of baby care, or even taken a course in the subject. My mother always said that when a baby is born, a mother gets a little package of maternal instincts. I'm not sure if that is also brought by the stork or what, but I think that I just as often fell back on what I'd learned by example. I was indeed blessed to have learned the art of motherhood from an expert, and I hope that I can live up to her example. There are so many things that I want to show Rebecca, to teach her, and to provide her with experiences - from baking the best pumpkin pie to appreciating Les Miserables. However, those are also things that she can very well learn on her own. The thing I learned from my mother that is a top priority for me to pass on to Rebecca is the knowledge and security that she is loved. It's something I never had to question, and I know it has made the difference in my whole life and every decision I've made and every challenge I've attempted. It, along with the fundamentals of faith, are absolutely the best legacy I can leave my daughter.